In Which the Author Adds Two New Topics

These topics are: "Why Depression is Really Annoying" and "My Subconscious is Apparently a Roiling Cesspool of Angst."

We begin with the first, which I shall preface with the following disclaimer. I think that killing oneself is the uppermost pinnacle of wrong things to do. There are very few things we can be absolutely sure of in life, and the most important of those is that YOU'RE ALIVE. People who kill themselves because they think their life is completely worthless and unredeemable are throwing away THE ONLY CHANCE AT PROVING THEMSELVES WRONG. I get kind of worked up about this because suicide is one of the topics that I really have a concrete and solid opinion on. IT IS NEVER OKAY. If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts GET HELP because it's BAD. Thank you and have a lovely day.

Anyway. I prefaced with that lovely paragraph because whenever I tell people about how depression runs in my family and was passed down to me (Hi madre!) I fear that they will suddenly become so much more worried about me. You don't have to! I will NEVER do anything horrible like that. NEVER. The thought of it makes me sick, it really does. In any case, the whole reason for this topic was that even though I know that I suffer from occasional bouts of depression where I can't seem to be interested in anything or care enough to try, I know that that's what's going on and I know that it's not really me, but I still can't get around it. Bugs the crap out of me. The same reasoning goes into why I don't plan on ever doing psychoactive drugs (...except caffeine. Caffeine is good.) - I don't like being unable to control where my thoughts go, and all of the weird workings of my brain. It can stay firmly seated in my head and not off battling some pink dragon unicorn off in Acidland, thank you very much. Same thing goes for depression - I know I'm depressed, but I can't just bloody get over it and get on with my day. It's annoying.

And now onto the second topic: that of my roiling subconscious. A couple nights ago, I had the weirdest sleep that I have ever experienced. And I'm talking weird on the William scale, which is logarithmic and set twelve and a half times higher than the average person's weirdness scale. Just saying.

I get the feeling that all of my non-physics/school thoughts that I've been repressing and saving for pondering at a later date are starting to rebel, because they all kind of came out in a Grand Symphony of Strange Sleeping Patterns. First, I sleepwalked out of my bunk (down a ladder) and over to my roommate's bunk (up another ladder) and just kind of stood there...the following conversation took place:

He: "...what's up?"
Me: "...oh uh...zzz...nothing...sorry..."

Following which I went back up to my own bed. The main reason this is weird is because I have never sleepwalked in my entire life. Also I can barely get down my ladder when I'm awake (it's probably the lack of caffeine), so I don't really know how I did a total of four ladder trips all while asleep. Also it really freaked my roommate out. I probably would have peed myself.

After I got back to my bed, a length of time passed and then I propped myself up on my elbow and started talking [I don't remember any of this...]:

Me: "zzz...you can sell it you know..."
Roommate [presumably afraid to go back to sleep]: "Sell what?"
Me: "...the motorhome..."
He: "The penguin says it's okay."
Me: "...oh, okay." [goes back to sleep]

And THAT issue is one that I'm sure some of you might be aware of if I have told you or if you are a frequenter of my mom's blog over at this link. Oh dear.

I also had a dream in which Kevin Federline came to town and needed to stay in our dorm. The jury is out on that one...I'm reasonably sure that by this point my subconscious was just screwing with me (not unlike my roommate and the penguin. Good times XD)

Righto. I'm going to go get some food now.