In Which the Author Discusses some Things.

I'm working on making the titles really descriptive, can you tell?

In any case, today's thoughts centered mostly on how annoying I can be to myself sometimes. Which makes me worry that I'm just bloody aggravating to other people, and if I am, you can slap me. I can't promise I won't scream like a girl, but I probably won't hit you back.

ANYWAY, what bugs me about myself is that I am so dern (sic.) impatient when it comes to learning things. In my edumacational career, I've discovered that the best way to learn is to start with the basics and work up from there, getting stuff as you go along. Some fields (i.e. pure math) are extremely OCD about making sure everything along the way is perfectly formulated, well-kept, rigorous, and other synonyms for boring. My brain, on the other hand, takes one idea and rapes the implications out of it until it is a hollow shell of its former self. Which I suppose is cool for a field such as physics where half the fun is in the implications of whatever new theory you've come up with, but this process has kind of been killing me in math.

Also, some of the random (read: crackpot) ideas that I come up with for physics are fine from a qualitative standpoint, but I don't yet know the requisite math to see if they make sense mathematically. Which is what theoretical physics is based on. Whenever I try to teach myself the math I need, the book (always!) says something like "this particular piece of information is really cool, but we won't be getting to it until later." Meanwhile, William the Idiot is too busy flipping ahead to where they talk about it to realize it's 9 chapters past what I know. So when I get confused I just assume I'm an idiot and stop trying.

Which is rather bothersome because I read books about Richard Feynman, who picked up a calculus book when he was thirteen, and other similar tales - it makes me fear that if I can't figure out (for example) vector calculus on my own, will I be able to keep up with the very (VERY) high standards I hold myself to? I mean, I'm not going for some corollary to an already existing theory. My goal in life is to UNITE THE ENTIRETY OF THE GRAND EDIFICES OF RELATIVITY AND THE STANDARD MODEL OF QUANTUM MECHANICS, along with the Nobel Prize and other fun things that would follow from such an accomplishment. I worry that I will be able to get fulfillment out of life if I don't do that, and how can I reach that goal if that problem has eluded the super-geniuses of the physics world for nearly a century? I hardly even  register as a BLIP on the scale of Physics Geniushood!

So that was my insecurity for the day. Thank you for tuning in :D